I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
