drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
