apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
