so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
