I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
3 2 1 whiskey
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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