He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
