FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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