Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize