so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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