All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
In America we eat man semen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's shark week go big or go home
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
