The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
