There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
