you would pick up someone in the library
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
