I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
