We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize