with your own penis?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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