It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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