You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it hurts more in the daytime
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
