Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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