He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
