thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can't motorboat a personality
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drake has all the answers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
