woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
dude. I can hear the air.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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