I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
