dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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