He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
