after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BRING THE BAGELS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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