After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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