I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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