Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
