So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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