WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
