he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
