If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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