Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
areolas are like halos for boobs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
