Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
