RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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