i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize