4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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