Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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