my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
