He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
