what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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