right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
