Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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