why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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