we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
