maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
