YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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