I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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