Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
