He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
