ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're too hungover to prance.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
