I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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