I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did i walk over a car last night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
