Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
