My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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