just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
