Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
