Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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