we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
