I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
