you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
