have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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