where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
