Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
