Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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