You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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