I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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