you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
