i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
