i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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