My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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