My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize