One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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