been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
