Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
