How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
