Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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