we made out on top of his cat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
