Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
