My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We talked him into tasing himself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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