she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
