My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
