I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
