Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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