You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
