I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
