He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
