I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize