She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
