and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
