that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
