it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
