There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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