he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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