she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
