You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
