I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
