Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
