Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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