I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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