There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
