Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
