Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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