it hurts more in the daytime
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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