LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
