if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
