he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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