and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
