Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
